I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize