I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
