All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
