I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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