Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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