I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
