I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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