she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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