i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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