The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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