spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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