You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
