i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had to cum in my sink.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
