when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize