I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
