I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
