I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
