I need help removing her.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
