Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
