i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
