well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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