just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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