The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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