new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
