hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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