just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
