Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
