I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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