he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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