i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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