you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I would fuck him just for his dog
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
