What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
