How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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