She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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