Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
