On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
