Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
