you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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