I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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