WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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