Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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