If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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