I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
