hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
