Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
