TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
