I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I love having hate sex.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
