so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize