nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All the doctor said was why
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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