I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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