and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
