Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I could fuck to npr.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
