Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
