Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
