i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
