I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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