Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize