I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
