Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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