Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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