IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
