You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
