he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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