OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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