Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Holy shit dude........stairs
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
