Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
