Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just pee around me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
