I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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