Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
