Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize