Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
