Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
