Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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