I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
