I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
As shirtless as possible
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
