trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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