Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.

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(214): View more from Texas

It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.

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(817): View more from Texas

He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...

(1-817): View more from Texas

Actually, she's fat now, so...

(817): View more from Texas

Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.

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(530): View more from California

And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?

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(773): View more from Illinois

They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck

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(563): View more from Iowa

Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I feel a five day drunk coming on.

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(775): View more from Nevada

This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"

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(555): View more from

Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions

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