she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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