At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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